Lesson 2 of 6 · about 4 min
What bullying is not
Tell a possible bullying pattern apart from conflict, feedback, boundaries, consequences, and one rude act.
Step 1 of 6
The idea
Your manager returns your report covered in comments and says the analysis is not ready to send. It stings all afternoon. That evening you are replaying the conversation, trying to work out whether that was fair criticism or something else.
Not every painful interaction is bullying, and knowing the difference protects you twice: you spot real patterns faster, and you stop second-guessing ordinary friction. Conflict between equals — both sides participate, it is about a specific issue, either could walk away — is uncomfortable and normal.
Constructive feedback can be blunt and still be feedback. The signals: it is about the work, not about you as a person; it comes with a way forward; it does not need an audience; and it stops when the issue is fixed. Criticism that follows you to the coffee machine, performs for a crowd, or resurfaces long after the issue is settled is sending different signals.
Someone telling you no is not bullying you. A friend who stops answering calls after midnight, a colleague who declines to share their notes, a group that keeps one event small — boundaries govern their own behavior. Watch instead for punishment when you set one of yours. Ordinary consequences work the same way: a known rule, applied to everyone, is not targeting — a rule invented only for you might be.
One more thing, and it matters: if something does not meet a bullying definition, that does not make it fine. A behavior does not have to meet a definition to be harmful or worth addressing.
These guides help you recognize patterns and find safe options. They cannot judge a real situation or give legal advice.